Beatles vs Moses

8:02pm And Counting

Leaving Sydney was the biggest mistake I ever made. If I had of stayed, maybe now I would be dead.

Could Someone Please Pass Me The Brain Dictaphone

In between frequent bouts of despondency and anger, my brain seems to bombard me with a barrage of thoughts and ideas. This in itself not so much a problem, the problem is that they either come so thick and fast that i am unable to write them down before they are lost in the ether or they come at a time when i am unable to record them at all.

If only someone would invent a brain dictaphone that i could just plug directly into my brain so when I feel these storm of ideas approaching I could just switch it on and prepare to expand on the stuff that comes through, happily knowing that it would all be recorded for future reference.

I've always seen my path as that of a writer. I mean, I've walked down many career paths over the years and either failed or grown bored with each one. The problem is that I write without rhyme or reason, without continuity or structure. I can never seem to finish anything. I mean, I have written volumes of crappy angst ridden poetry, heaps of half finished novels and a multitude of manifestos and opinion pieces, but i seem to lack the ability to combine these efforts into some sort of organised publishable work.

I can see no solution to this problem. Many years ago a friend said to me that if I ever wrote anything, she would happily be my editor. Maybe that's what I need. A third person to peruse through the pages and pages of disjointed musings in order to form one cumulative work or maybe I am destined to suffer the curse of many other past writers. That is, for my works to be discovered, published, then studied hundreds of years after my death.

Bass and Painters

Been playing heaps of bass lately. listening to lots of fat, chunky rock. Went to the gym today for the first time in 3 months and busted myself. May go back tomorrow. Off the smokes again, going well. Reading about philosophical aspects of distraction. Came across this quip. Urban legend? Who knows, i think its cool -


Lady: I've never seen a women like that.
Matisse: Madam, that is not a women;it is a painting.

Shit Musings

"To survive in reality you need a dream kept handy,
Where money is nothing and cigarettes taste like candy."



Stop! Hammer Time

A Few Wrods About A Book Full Of Words (with apologies to the book reviewing genre)

The first thing that struck me about "Hater" by David Moody was the title is based on a human emotion as was his last name. I thought this was kinda cool, but unfortunately none of these feelings were to proceed through the actual reading of this book

The story begins with a short account of a seemingly normal person snapping and brutally killing someone, described in intricate detail. We are then introduced to the boring and mundane life of Danny. He is a desk jockey at the local council who hates his job and equally his boss. He has a wife and kids, who although he continually says he loves, also seems to hate. The other central character of this tale is Danny's father-in-law who, surprise surprise, he also hates.

The book is set out in small chapters, sectioned of into days over a week long period. The pretense is that people start randomly going ape shit and killing people, until it escalates into a country, maybe world wide phenomenon. The violence is graphic and unimaginative. (The "picks up brick and smashes face variety. No quirky or funny slayings here a la Tarantino). The violence get worse and eventually everyone has to hole themselves up in there homes, giving the book a "Dawn of the Dead" feel, but without the mall, the zombies, or the fun.

Predictably enough, Danny becomes a "hater" and sees the world from the other side of the fence. The story then ends in an unbelievable clash of explosions and senseless violence, only to peter out into a couldn't be bothered writing anymore type ending of the "Then they were zombies" variety of internet fame. The book had so much potential but even after repeated attempts to get there it just never made it.

Mr Moody, you may share the last name of the super-cool fictional author of "Californication fame, but you obviously don't share his talent. But, if you do happen to read this, please don't go all crazy on me and smash my head in with a brick....

I give "Haters" by David Moody 2 out of 5 unruly mobs.

-

On a totally unrelated note, I stumbled across "Adolf Plays The Jazz" the other day. Great synthed out, slow metal. Oh, and for closet Nazi's and jazz fans, their album contains reference to neither. Check out "Lush"

The World In Which We Live

The movies are just full of all these pretty little fucks, who live these perfect little lives where everything just works out fine.

But in the real world, the average guy who thinks too much and drinks because of it fucks up again and loses everything he ever wanted.

So, from me and all the other normal people. World - Fuck You!

YOU ARE WHAT YOU READ

It seems that my moods and feelings are drastically influenced by the books I read at a certain time. At the moment at work i am re-reading Catch-22, thus am becoming more and more cynical about the banality of my working life. It seems that there is a direct correlation between the bureaucracy of Yossarian's plight and my everyday struggle within this office.

After many years of holding onto the belief that I am constantly losing grip on my sanity, and at some times completely insane, my experience here has made me realise that maybe I, like Yossarian, am actually the only one here who is still sane. As by the Catch-22 rule, I would need to be in order to realise the insanity of it all.

Anyway, these constant forays into Joesph Heller's vision of complete idiocy + a bit of extra stress at work has begun to have a profound effect on me, to the point that i have taken up smoking agin after 5 weeks of giving up. Seems good old stressed Chris needs that crutch to fall back on, maybe cause it seems that no matter how much work i do, my generals keep raising the amount of missions i need to fly in order to get my release to be able to leave this war known as working in an office.

To combat this, on the other side of the coin, at home i am reading "Street Gang", which is a biography on the creation of Sesame St, a book which i am thoroughly enjoying and am reading in the smallest increments possible so i don't finish it too soon, and start reading some other depressive book that may just push me of the edge.

In closing, both Yossarian and Jim Henson are huge idols of mine. One because I think like him and feel like I almost know him, the other cause over all these years he has helped me escape and enjoy life away from the almost excessive over thinking thought that seem to clog my mind.

Book wank now over!

Also, happy 20th birthday to both "The Simpsons" and "Pretty Hate Machine". Probs the greatest cartoon and the greatest album ever created.

SOUNDTRACK TO MY SOUL - MASTERS OF WAR

When i was growing up, all the music i loved and listened to, it was the older stuff that really had an effect on me and still does today. It was the Floyd, the Lennon, bowie and most importantly the Dylan himself that I really grew to love and appreciate. These tunes were passed onto me by my Mom and my older brother Matt. But enough banter, it's Bob Dylan that we are here to talk about today.

I first heard Bob around my house, a bit here in Matts room, a bit there in mom's pottery shed. Rainy Day Women, Like a Rolling Stone etc etc. Then one day fate grabbed me in it's cruel but fair grip. At a vinnies somewhere i came across a vinyl copy of Live at Budokahn and i was hooked. The album destroyed me, the fiddle/violin solo on All Along The Watchtower is amazing (sadly the record developed a scratch right it the middle of this wonderful solo causing it to play 3 notes over and over, turning it into the longest solo ever played).

Then i heard Masters of War and it felt like the world changed around me. The song centres on the capitalistic movers of war, sitting back behind the scenes orchestrating death and destruction around them. He condemns them for sending the young to their deaths, for creating a world where he fears to rear children, while sitting on the sidelines hidden from view collecting the almighty dollar. Dylan himself has said the song is a pacifistic song against war, which moves against the heavy relationship between govt, the armed forces and the industrial complex. Towards the end of the song he questions the state of their souls and whether their money will do them any good once they leave this world.

The song contains some brilliant images and verses. These are some of my favs-

Like Judas of old

You lie and deceive

A world war can be won

You want me to believe

But I see through your eyes

And I see through your brain

Like I see through the water

That runs down my drain

The song contains a couple of biblical references. This been the first, comparing them to Judas, but instead of betraying Jesus, betraying the human race as a whole. I love the the idea that their motives are as transparent as water going down a drain in a drain. Almost a double analogy, showing that their motives are clear to see and causing everything to go down the gurgler

How much do I know

To talk out of turn

You might say that I'm young

You might say I'm unlearned

But there's one thing I know

Though I'm younger than you

Even Jesus would never

Forgive what you do

Growing up in a Catholic (although not been religious myself) environment i always found this line very strong. To suggest that He, forgiver of all people would not forgive what you've done as your soul is that tainted. Also liked that he says not to discount him just because he is young...something that resonated through me when i first heard this as a teenager.

Anyway I could go one all day but i won't. Long story short, song had a huge impact on my life, love it to pieces and really awoke a fire in my belly as a teenager. If you like this song check out "Working Class Hero" - John Lennon. Same shit - different smell. Musical wank ends here

"He Died With a Felafel in his Hand" - John Birmingham

I've just finished reading this book again and what a brilliant book it is. For those of you who have not read it it is a loose narrative of John's experiences in various share houses in Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney. It tells the tales of huge parties, bucket bongs, pissing in fridges, crazy goths and the fact that no one ever wants to wash the frying pan. It's written in this loose flowing form that makes you feel as if you are sitting on the brown couch with John while he tells his tales over a longie and a few bucket bongs. Ferreted through out the book are tales from the people John lived with telling some of their own lurid tales. One the whole it's crass and very Australian. the perfect book for me.

I guess one of the reasons I really love this book is it reminds me of my own share house days. My first house in Armidale where a flat mate fled complaining of stress and heart palpitations, the guy who replaced him, eventually throwing his huge model ship through the front window, thinking it was kind of funny at the time. The time my mate spewed half a case of pale ale on the front step, and everyone stepping over it for days as we refused to clean it until he came back around. Living in Glebe with a responsible junkie (he paid everything except our rent, which we found out one eventful morning) and a full time professional paintballer, who stalked the house with an imaginary gun in his hands making a ticka ticka noise while gunning you down (but this was forgivable as he was a barista and made the most amazing coffee) The house down the road which was slowly been demolished from the inside day by day.

Anyway, i could go on for ever, the thing is, if you haven't read it, read it! And if you have...read it again. take a moment to delight in some of my fav moments......

"He died watching Rage with the sound turned down. One of the hip inner-city cops who turned up to investigate said he probably snuffed it half way through the hot (sic) one hundred. Just like a junkie. There was a night club stamp on his wrist, bruises up and down his arm. The felafel's chilli and yogurt sauce had leaked from the roll and run down his hand in little white rivulets. For a brief, perverse moment it seemed to me that he himself had sprung a leak, a delicate stream of liquid heroin escaping from the seams of his fingers"

"Now don't get me wrong, I'll get into a binge as quickly as the next man, but there is such a thing as dignity. And flaking out under a blanket of old pizza boxes isn't even close"

"He was coming out of a doomed relationship with a bikie chick and was knocking back two or three bottles of overproof rum everyday. There were some dark forces at work inside him, manifesting themselves in the black Special Forces tee shirt, jungle camouflage pants and white running shoes which he never took off. We told people the white running shoes were the last vestiges of his human personality trying to hang on. When they were replaced by army boots it would be random sniper time."

My Household Invaded By Emo Toy or "Those fuckers will do anything to get noticed"

So last weekend me and eliza were on our weekly Saturday morning hang out in town, and we were given a complimentry bag of shit outside woolies (one of the benefits of hanging out with a small child is you get given all that shit, and no longer have to steal it when the people aren't looking). So there were some lollies, and bannana and this stciker album with a packet of Crazy Bones attached. Now these are crazy little figures that you use to play a game similair to jacks/knucklebones, but with cool men instead of nerdy jacks and a bouncy ball.

Well I finally got around to opening them today and was presented with quite a shock!!!

Inside were 3 little dudes to play with. The first man was just your token anime Goku rip off type characrter

The second guy was this industrial/goth guy. The kind of person you run into in those alley clubs in Sydney, where the lead singer of the band breathes into a bag containing a rotten crow in between songs.

Now I pull out the 3rd man, and some prick has gone and slipped a fucking Emo in with these guys. Seriously is there nothing these guys won't do to make us take their /wrists seriously? I can just see this pale, emancipated, over-eyelined freak putting this emo guy into every second packet muttering to himself "Soon they will take us seriously. Soon my post punk, grunge influenced fok rock band will succeed and i can stop /wrists for attention." Fucking Emos!

A BRISK WALK OUTSIDE OF REALITY

I remember walking around Armidale for hours early one morning under the influence of an acid enhanced daze while trying to walk home. The distance I needed to travel was probably half a k, but ended up walking around for at least 3 - 4 hours. For some reason, no matter which way i went, or turned, no matter how sure around the next corner was the house i was looking for, i would find myself once again standing under the blue florescent lights of Nevilles Corner Store (now known to me as not nevilles, as Neville no longer operates it).

It's funny cause a held no fear at this particular situation that i found myself in, as I just convinced myself that I was stuck in some type of time trap. At the time this seemed quite plausible as I had seen it myself many times on The Twilight Zone. All i had to do was change the turn of events and thus escape this strange predicament.

I found myself trying to flag down cars (maybe they needed help or where on the way to some terrible accident that only i could prevent them from been a part in in), attempting to talk to early morning dog walkers, and other such nonsense. Anyway as the sun came up, it seemed as though i was instantly transported and there i was knocking on the door, at the original flop house in Sarah place (interestingly enough the street in which i know reside) which was my intended destination.

The question i ask is this..... If i wasn't brought up on trashy sci-fi type programs, would i have been unable to comprehend what was happening to me and fell into the eternal trap known as a bad trip, thus losing all grip on so called reality(?)

THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE SIMPSONS

"Making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel."

At this point a must say, this episode (Homerpalooza) contains probably my favourite simpsons joke of all time as seen below......

I'm sitting here at my desk, thinking about how monotonous and boring my job is. I spend all day hassling people for money they shouldn't have spent, intersected with speaking to people about how dumb it is to give your visa card details to web sites bragging about free offers. I mean, is there someone else out there who has to deal with worse?

Add to this stupid office politics, people who annoy me, the absence of a window in easy view and the fact it is getting to cold to eat my lunch outside...... ok so I'm whinging, but i just sit here getting angrier and angrier at the world till i leave. then all is ok, only to begin all over the next day. And why the fuck can't people spell my name properly!!!! And that fucking smelly tea is back, just to grind me even further.

But...there is an end in sight, in order to escape the mundane prison that is working life i have decided to produce a reality TV show in the vain of The Biggest Loser and Dance Your Ass Off. Yes, i have decided to sell my soul to the devil and jump on the trash TV bandwagon.

The show I envision will be called "The Biggest Gainer" and would entail 20 abnormally thin people fighting it out to gain the most weight over a 12 week period. Entrants would be divided into two teams, each with their own "trainer"...days would be spent "training" hard to put on the most weight possible through activities like drinking, hot dog eating contests, BBQ's, watching movies and other trashy reality type programs. I'm hoping to secure John Goodman & Roseanne Barr as my trainers. Not only do they both advocate unhealthy lifestyles and packing on the pounds, but due to previously history of working together there should be lots of room for some "quirky" anecdotes.

Temptation type challenges would be involved, maybe involving having to consume a number of diet pills to gain immunity or lifting boxes which may contain immunity or a feather which one must tickle their throat with supermodel style.

The winner would receive a cash prize of some sort and maybe a years supply of medical appointments and gym membership to lose the excess weight they just gained in pursuit of white trash fame.

Any interested applicants please apply in writing to ihavenoshame@all.com

If you don't have internet access, ask the guy in the next trailer...he might

THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE SIMPSONS

Watched the episode "You Kent always get wgat you want", which is of course a play on the brilliant Rolling Stones song and learnt the following - "Never trust Dracula to get your pizza order right"

MUSIC THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

I was listening to "Humpty Dumpty LSD" (compilation of unreleased tracks, rarities etc etc) by the Butthole Surfers tonight and track 1 "100 million people dead", reminded me that it was the first ever Buttholes song i ever heard, and really my gateway into the realm of non-commercial music and pretty much the forerunner of my musical taste today. without that late night on RAGE i would probably still be loving big hair bands and dancing to Wolfmother as we speak. Anyway, the clip for this song came on one late Saturday night, with no name or anything (which happened quite a lot back then) i was probs 14 and totally blown away. First i thought, two drummers, huh, and then that twangy solo started up, then Gibby with "woo woo etc etc" it was probs a month later when i saw the clip again and thought "the Butthole Surfers" how homo is that name.....i love it Unfortunately music of this genre was not very highly appreciated in singleton, but upon going to uni i came across many like minded individuals who loved these guys as much as me. Many acid/LSD/mushroom type experiences with the Buttholes ensured. When the single "pepper" came out, i remember people saying to me "hey, these are those guys you been banging on about for ages, can you lend us some of their stuff. i remember giving them the likes of "Locust Abortion Technician" and they were just like "Whoa, what is this stuff". So click below for the monumental track that changed my musical life......

Another band that i got hooked on via late saturday night rage was Man or Astroman? The song "The Miracle Of Genuine Pyrex" is brilliant, these guys are brilliant. I'm looking for a clip in which one of the guys runs around with a cardboard TV on his head which is on fire but can't find it...help please. I loved the sat night rage, still do, but it doesn't seem as shocking or monumental anymore, maybe it's because i now have my musical eyes opened. who knows, anyway, hit below for man or astroman?...later

STATE SANCTIONED MUDER HITS ARMIDALE or WARNING SHOT TO THE CHEST FAIL

A young man was shot this afternoon in my little home town of Armidale. He was believed to be wielding a kitchen knife.reports say he was shot from close range in the chest. (there were numerous witness as he was shot (executed?) in a public place in front of numerous witnesses.)
Followers of my previous blog will know that these sort of police shenanigans really piss me off, and they should be held accountable for these deaths.
Now, I'm not some bleeding heart looking after crims or anything like that, don't get me wrong here. It just seems that shooting deaths, caused by police shooting youths armed with knives or non-projectile weapons is on the rise.
Some would say it is time to arm our police with tazers, so police have a non-lethal form of action. but i disagree as current trends would just lead to misuse of these. People been tazered for all manner of things.
I believe police already have non-lethal methods. They are taught negotiation skills and disarming techniques and i believe these need to be used more.
Also police need to be held responsible for use of their firearms. They must be held accountable for the deaths they deal out. Unless of course we have entered the future world of Judge Dredd, where the law man has become Judge, Jury and Executioner.
Whatever the legal result of this, hopefully the officer involved realises he has blood on his hands.... comments welcomed!

NOT ALL POSTS REQUIRE PICTURES

Like this one for example

THANK FUCK IT'S FRIDAY

Well, that day we all love has rolled around again. so it's time for the weekly wrap up

• Loving - The fact that I effectively only have to work 2 days next week!!!!!


• Liking - Today Empires, Tomorrows Ashes - Propagandhi - haven't listened to this for ages, put it one my player the other day can't get enough. check out "Take me back to the motor league". I can see myself falling back into my punk roots, maybe time to shave my head and go all straight edge?


• Lolling - At the rock, Paper Scissors joke i was emailed earlier today, and have since flooded the office with. Posted below


• Loathing - The fact that Matthew Johns so called mates have left him hanging to cop all the flack over the latest NRL controversy. Man up boys and take some of the heat you deserve!

SPY vs SPY TATT - YOU MAD BASTARD

MAD magazine was what got me into comics to begin with, way back in 1988 (still have that first issue) don't read it anymore as all the artists and writers i grew up with are either 1. dead or 2. too blind to write/draw. Although I am currently waiting for my two TPB's of Groo the Wanderer (Sergio Aragones - brilliant artist/writer - also responsible for those marginals which MAD was so famous for) also have the pleasure of owning Sergio's rendition of some characters from The Sandman(will scan and post soon).
Anyway, back to the program, a friend of mine emailed me this photo today, kniowing how much i would love it (cheers Cluley) not only is it a comics related tat of SPY vs SPY from MAD (if you didn't realise this, please click the x at the top right hand of screen and never come back) but placement, it's all about the placement. Anyone could have stuck it on their shoulder, buttcheek, where ever. But to see Black Spy continually at war with White Spy from arm to arm is just magic. If this guy got in a fight, he could never lose. Bill Gaines would be proud (hope the infernal flames aren't to hot champ). So this tatt makes it into the "Diary of Someone Stupid" ridiculosly stupid but cool tattoo hall of fame and onto my desktop at work.(goodbye Sandman Master of Dreams cover).

I will also take this opertunity to say I have been listening to Who Is, This Is - Voodoo Glow Skulls in which they sample one of the best lines ever from "Revenge of the Nerds -
"It says "Get out Nerds"
"Whats a nerd?"
"We are"

Nerd 1 signing out!

FAD WATCH

Okay, it seems Twilight is the new in thing. I haven't read the books, seen the movies, eaten the cereal etc etc. Vampires with out blood and turning to dust in the sunlight isn't really my thing. So i have noticed lately in this little place that is Armidale that every female child is wearing T-Shirts that say "I got kissed by a vampire and I liked it". What annoys me about this shirt...Well i'm not really sure, i guess i could ride the parent bandwagon and say "How can they let their children wear a shirt like that"...but i won't
i could ride the vampire movie train, and say been bitten by a vampire isn't pretty and thus you wouldn't like and thus the shirt is false....but i won't.
instead i will ride the me wagon and come out and say the shirt is just stupid. Parent take note..please replace with the patented "diary of someone stupid" - "Be the person your parents warned you about" T-shirt.. available through all good somewheres soon.

DRUNKS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

Overheard on Sunday on Beardy St across the road from Brumby’s

Smoking Drunk Old Man: That lady just gave me a one dollar coin
Smoking Drunk Old Man in Flanno:Why?
Smoking Drunk Old Man: Cause we look like bums.

PASS THE HUNGER STRIKE - THE NEW CELEBRITY PARTY GAME

Just heard this on the morning show. A few celebs have decided they are concerned about deaths in Darfur and want to do something about it. So Mia farrow decides to go on a hunger strike. anyway, her doctor tells her that not eating is bad for her health (the whole idea is to threaten your life thus raise your cause to public view) so she asks Richard Branson to take over the reins. So Mr Branson is now on nil by mouth...BUT Peter Gaberiel waits in the wings to take over when he can no longer take it. I mean what a joke.. Gandhi (king of the hunger strike will be rolling in his grave).
I can hear you all, "don't be so cynical, at least there doing something"..but guess what. Their not. You are just falling into their little consumerised trap. Nil by mouth for a couple of days, then it's off to Macca's for a few big Macs, while they talk to their accountants about how much cash their latest publicity stunt has made them.
Come on,guys, get out the fishing line and stitch up those lips ala Aussie detention centre style....then I will know you are serious.

THANK FUCK ITS FRIDAY

Well another week has passed. This time next week i will be moving into my new house. No more renting and into the world of a home owner. Upgraded to a 4gb MP# player care of the Ex-Servies raffle...thanks guys. Bar that not much else has happened. Time for the weekly wrap up.

• Loving - Been cranking Squarepusher (as a side note. check out his fav sites here) this week "The Alroy Road Tracks" (jazz infused beats) and "Big Loada" (more crazy beats and breaks ala normal Squarpusher), but it is "Journey to Redham(7am mix)" from Big Loada that has been really turning my dials. Each luch break, sitting in the sun, with a big fat bowl of steaming noodles and this track just takes me away to another place....
• Liking - A few autumn afternoon beers and BBQ? with a couple of blow ins from Port this afternoon
• Lolling - That after the big Pirate Bay verdict in Sweden, the Pirate Party is now 3rd biggest in Sweden and if membership continues at present rate, may move into 2nd place. With elections for the EU council coming up they look in a good spot to score some seats. Looks like that little faracas backfired. On a side note - do i support freedom on the net and file-sharing...yes. Would i vote for a party who's only policy was this to represent me on a Pacific council if there was such a thing....no. So only time will tell on this one. Will keep you posted
• Loathing - The fact that my "Judgement on Gotham" graphic novel has not yet arrived! Bad feedback for you my friend.

So my advice for this weekend is, forget work, forget study, put on some tunes and go to another place.

BRAINS + ZOMBIES +REPUBLICAN JOKE = THIS POST

Would love to attach some sort of deep and meaningful political insight to this post...but i just couldn't be bothered. Plus, a picture speaks a thousand words

BETTER RIP THAT THESIS UP.......

So you have probably guessed I’m a huge fan of the Sandman and have been reading heaps of it lately. People go on and on about how it challenged the comic genre and re-invented what comic had to be about, especially the whole super-hero comic notion. It questions death, life, the infinity and so many other things. I’m sure someone out there has written a thesis about what it is meant to mean, cause I’m sure that’s the sort of thing people who write thesis’ write about.
Anyway, that’s why I love moments like this….”imagine 6 years just pissing”, how profound…
Oh and dude, better start ripping that thesis up…….

The Parable of Glenn Mcgraths Haircut

So I’m sitting here trying to do the work of four people, working of a report that is 5 days old as the software I am mean to be using is more unreliable than a Microsoft product. I also have external auditors on there way to ask me stuff as well. All I can think about is going home to check the mail to see if my Sandman ‘Preludes and Nocturnes’ and my Judge Dredd/Batman ‘Judgment on Gotham’ graphic novels have turned up. Ahh, the life of a nerd. One consolation about today, they are holding interviews and I must admit, watching these hopefuls slink up the hallways, sitting in reception whispering power words to themselves, hands shaking as they fill paper cups from the water cooler, is something I quite enjoy. I wonder if I was a total mess like this when I went for this job, but somehow I don’t think I was. That inherent feeling of not really caring enough just may have won through I think
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Saturday I went to a gallery opening, went to Impies and caught up with some people who I have not seen dor many many years. Anyway, it seems that they have turned into exactly the thing that I feared could happen to me upon taking this job working for the man.
They were sitting there, big noting themselves and their post-degree careers, fucking around with their iphones the whole time and after a few drinks I unceremoniously told them that I thought they were a bunch of pratts, and in the end they really hadn’t actually “made it” as they seemed to think and the best thing they could do was to pull their heads out of their arses, take a look around and realise there is more to the world then complaining about how “plebeian” it is to have chips served with steak.
Oh, and having a iphone doesn’t mean your rich and successful. Especially when you drove into town in a bashed up old holden station wagon. Fucking amateurs.
This slice of a little ditty known as “The Parable of Glenn McGrath’s Haircut by TISM” goes out especially to you –

The last time I saw Roger was last year at the Boxing Day test. He'd turned into such a fat, normal, yobbo cunt.
"The wife nearly didn't let me out today" he said, and he did all that chanting yobs do, like "Ooh, Aahh, Glenn McGrath".
"It got you in the end" I thought to myself, as I looked at Roger. "Life got you in the end, pal. You were such a cocky, successful winner when we were 16, but now you're just another sad fat prick sitting in the M.C.G high-fiving in self-congratulation, as if its you that had the skill and determination to play for Australia". Its the cunts with the bad haircuts that you've got to watch out for. There's never been a popular teenager yet who's done rat's with their life. Its the fucking dorks that give it a real go. Glenn McGrath got 5 for 50 that day.

DO I NEED SAY MORE?

THANK FUCK IT'S FRIDAY

Well, it’s Friday which means time for my weekly wrap up:

Loving – Eucalyptus (this version seems to have Dragonball z footage?) by The Jesus Lizard. Taken from the album Blue (not their best album, check out Down), this song has been haunting me all week and in heavy rotation in the little red car. Saw these guys in 1996 and if they ever come back will do anything to see them again.

Liking – The fact that I finally received my Rudd love, and since I will be moving into my new house in 3 weeks can put it some really good use.

Loathing – the fact that I will be putting my Rudd love to good use instead of going on a huge bender. Oh well, with great power comes great responsibility.

Lolling – At the line from Homer “I know what you did last summer, 20 years ago, in winter” from the new simpsons the other night.
The fact they call people who use Twitter, are called “Tweeters”, shouldn’t they be Twits.
People who randomly click on things, open files and push buttons, then complain that things don’t work.

Well, someone stupid once said...go get a beer, this is his diary, so stop reading and go get one!

The Channel 9 New Wrap

Was watching channel 9 local news today (funny story, as half an hour ago I was just telling my brother I couldn’t name one show that I watch on 9 that wasn’t sport), any way, as Don King says gotta keep my eyes on the prize here, any a couple of stories caught my eye.

1. The NSW state government opposition believes it to be a winner idea for local communities such as Armidale to have state sponsored market gardens in order to supply the community with cheap and fresh fruit and vegetables (at better value and quality than the coles/woolworths of the world), while also creating employment. I myself agree with this idea, and in the past have been a member of many gardens where a few hours a week guarantees you wish plenty of fresh vegies to fill you plate. But here comes the crunch, the newsreader then shows this scratchy footage of people hoeing corn, pulling weeds, etc etc, and he says something like “this model has worked in Cuba, which has been cut off from the global market for many years. Market gardens in Havana supply the city with 80% of the city’s produce”.
   Okay, now get up off the ground and sit back down on the seat, couch, train seat, toilet or where ever you were sitting while reading this. Is the news trying to tell us that communist principles are okay. Is the state governemt been infiltrated by red commie bastards? I don’t know but I say right on, put your money where your mouth is and get this shit going.
   As a side note on, Kevin Humphries, the minister interviewed for this news story is actaully shadow minister for aboriginal affairs… just shows you how much they really care about the black fellas as he is so busy fighting for their cause, that he is out in his electorate answering questions about market gardens.
2. R.I.P Richard Pratt – Who thought you could make so much money out of boxes.
3. Sonny Bill may be coming back to Australia as a boxer. Good news…. I say line him up to fight Anthony “the mouth” Mundine and hopefully they will both beat the shit out of each other, both die of brain aneurisms, thus removing in my opinion, the two most annoying pratts (that ones for you Richard) to ever come out of rugby league
   

Endnote: Mundine will be available as he has already beaten up every boxcar hobo from the east to the west coast of Australia

BURN

Well I am officially over it. Sitting here staring at a computer screen while it’s iridescent reflection slowly suck the away my soul. The clashing synthetic rhythm of “Burn” is echoing around my head (possibly one of the greatest songs), all I can hear is Trent going “I never was a part of you, I never was a part of you. BURN” (insert awesome rhythm here). I guess I’m just having one of those get me the fuck out of this air-conditioned nightmare type moments.
Freedom in T-minus 45 mins

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING FROM THE STRANGEST DREAM (WITH APOLOGIES TO HUNTERS AND COLLECTORS)

So I had the most vivid dream last night that I was doing the same job, but for a huge multi-national bank in this huge sky scraper in the city.
Anyway, I cut work to go see Rancid play at this closed gig with my brother. We line up at this door and my brother goes in before me and the bouncer tries to close it but I just go through anyway, remarking to my brother how good I am for just sneaking through. The room is filled with all these chairs in a circle and we work out this is just a huge game of musical chairs to find out who can attend a closed interview. Fuck that so we leave.
The concert was at The Metro, but it wasn’t the real Metro, more like a huge old school ballroom.Rancid come out in all glory (looking like the real Rancid but all they play is “Punch in the Face” by Frenzal Rhomb over and over again. I try to dance/skank but can’t. Dream over….
Meaning anyone??

Todays Rant - The Recruits

Its probably going to sound bad, but i really have a natural distaste for officers of the law. I am, in essence a law abiding citizen except for the occasional undetected misdemeanor (if your a cop reading this, my name is Alfred and i live in Melbourne), but for some reason i just can't stand them. It's a deep pathological distaste...which ironically enough i can't find a reason for, besides a blatant disregard for authority and order...which brings me to channel Ten's hot new program "The Recruits".
Now, i wait for this show to begin in anticipation, billed as been the next hit created by the team that brought you "Bondi Rescue" (another show i hate, i'm not sure how many times the average australian can watch backpackers rescued from killer in hip deep water. For me, it's zero) mainly because of three brilliant and tantalizing sneak peaks into the world of police in training.

1. Scene shows young girls dancing at club. Voice over "While these girls do this on a saturday night. Amanda does this" Flash to cops in the middle of street brawl. Are we meant to feel sympathy for this girl. She chose to join the cops, and as far as my experience goes in brawls the police seem to turn up much later, more round the bodies getting put in ambulance stage, unless of course they started said brawl.


2. Fella says to the camera "I'm gonna leave here as a cop or in a body bag" Huh? Huh? So he thinks he may get killed in boot camp. how did this guy get through the intelligence training. Surely he only just scrapes through with enough intelligence to put on a brownshirt and keep or city trains safe from fare evaders, while allowing white trash drunks to urinate, burn and fight in our trains. (get real drunk (it will dull the eventual pain) and jump on the midnighter out to penrith or mount druitt, it may not be safe, but EVERYONE bought a ticket)


3. Footage of man giving speech to recruits and he says "some of you may get killed!" No fucking shit, your kidding me. Thats it, i'm out of here. What do you mean crims have guns now. People will want me dead. When did this shit happen, i thought i would be to busy shooting tazers at youths driving stolen vans, shooting pepper spray at drunks who won't leave pubs and getting headjob bribes of pros in King Cross. If i have to deal with real crime, I'm out of here.

If you think this type of show may float your boat, i suggest your better off watching COPS and enjoying white flattoped males, bash mexican and black minorities for running away, while listening to the latest Justin Timberlake CD

Cop: Why did you run?

Now Bleeding Mexican: Cause you scare me

Cop: Why did you run, you don't run unless you got something to hide

Bleeding Mexican: Cause everytime I see you guys you bash the fuck out of me and then put it on national TV to that annoying, but catchy Bad boys anthem.

Ok, so your saying to yourself, that last comment was way over the top...well answer me this. When was the last time you saw a white guy who didn't live in a trailer park on COPS? NEVER

Well, I guess they just don't break the law...... Bah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Bit of a mixed bag today. Eliza dropped off at day care, went and signed some docs, making it one step closer to owning and moving into our new home. Carms (my wife), dropped my bag off at work ( as i forgot it) and put a pressie in there for me to discover at lunch. My latest Ebay bargain had arrived, "The complete D.R & Quinch collection".

For the heathens among you D.R & Quinch entails the intergalactic adventures of a dumb, gun-weilding maniac (Quinch) and his best friend D.R (diminished responsibility), and mischevious over-intelligent deviant. Originally featured in 2000ad and written by the one and only Alan Moore and drawn by Alan Davies.

It has to be one of my favs ever, hyper violent and filled with plenty of violence and this collection contains all my fav stories including haphazard journeys through time, community service based revenge on judges, attempts at destroying D.R's love life and a trip to hollywood. For those who have not experienced the brilliance of D.R and Quinch, check out Ebay and other places for back issues or scans are readily available on most torrent trackers. Below I've posted a page from their first ever appearance "Time Twisters"

Punkers & Pies

Took my daughter to the monthly markets this morning. I swear its just the same shit every month these days...but i had a mission. I had to buy some free range eggs (as the guy i usually get them from's chickens have stopped laying. sorry, but i live in a cage egg free house hold) as i cannot tolerate a sunday without eggs for breakfast.
Anyway, went to get a pie from Ridgy Didge and the guy who owns the place yells at me Jello Biafra, 1977, Southern California. I then remember I was wearing a DK (i hear they have reformed and doing a few shows in the US) shirt. He then began to tell me that he use to jam in a band call The Lood (prononced leud) on the floor beneath where the DK's use to rehearse, and that Jello was quie a nice guy. Note to self....man at pie shop is old punker = ally...oh and the pie was tops.
So i goes home and decide to pull out some DK's, while going through my extensive collection (it's quite large) i come across Devo "Duty Now for the Future" and decided that will be even better. So here i sit, typing away cranking Devo (who are releasing an album this year) while watching rugby league.
My wife and daughter are fast asleep in the next room, and another succesful Sunday has passed. Today i learnt that I'm not the only punker who loves a pie, i like DK's but have never been to drunk to fuck and despite loving Devo, i will never make it as a secret agent man. Later

Okay, so here begins my second attempt at that form of internet masturbation known as blogging. Stay tuned for more stuff about all types of stuff. this is just a quick saturday special type post, small, cheap, but hopefully still powerful

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• Loving - The Cavelera Conspiracy......good to see the boys back together, pumping out great metal once again. If you liked Sepultura before Max left....your gonna love this. I comand you to go get a copy now!
• Liking - Sandman - The Kindly Ones.....Brilliant story line. Am almost obsessed with The Sandman Chronicles (i konw, a bit behind the times) at the moment, actually all things Gaiman... reading Good Omens which he wrote with Terry Pratchett as well. Am unable to source copies quick enough to keep up with my addicition so have had to resort to downloading many many sans..
• Lolling - At the pathetic attempts by the swedish copyright board to shut down The Pirate Bay. Wake up losers, it's time to embrace file sharing in your business model in order to combat piracy.... Trying to jail people and doll out heft unrealistic fines will only strengthen our cause. Has the Pirate Bay been shut down due to your court case win...No... I declare this a legal action FAIL!!!!
• Loathing - The fact I am still unstimulated from Mr Rudd. i want my dollars!!!