The Channel 9 New Wrap

Was watching channel 9 local news today (funny story, as half an hour ago I was just telling my brother I couldn’t name one show that I watch on 9 that wasn’t sport), any way, as Don King says gotta keep my eyes on the prize here, any a couple of stories caught my eye.

1. The NSW state government opposition believes it to be a winner idea for local communities such as Armidale to have state sponsored market gardens in order to supply the community with cheap and fresh fruit and vegetables (at better value and quality than the coles/woolworths of the world), while also creating employment. I myself agree with this idea, and in the past have been a member of many gardens where a few hours a week guarantees you wish plenty of fresh vegies to fill you plate. But here comes the crunch, the newsreader then shows this scratchy footage of people hoeing corn, pulling weeds, etc etc, and he says something like “this model has worked in Cuba, which has been cut off from the global market for many years. Market gardens in Havana supply the city with 80% of the city’s produce”.
   Okay, now get up off the ground and sit back down on the seat, couch, train seat, toilet or where ever you were sitting while reading this. Is the news trying to tell us that communist principles are okay. Is the state governemt been infiltrated by red commie bastards? I don’t know but I say right on, put your money where your mouth is and get this shit going.
   As a side note on, Kevin Humphries, the minister interviewed for this news story is actaully shadow minister for aboriginal affairs… just shows you how much they really care about the black fellas as he is so busy fighting for their cause, that he is out in his electorate answering questions about market gardens.
2. R.I.P Richard Pratt – Who thought you could make so much money out of boxes.
3. Sonny Bill may be coming back to Australia as a boxer. Good news…. I say line him up to fight Anthony “the mouth” Mundine and hopefully they will both beat the shit out of each other, both die of brain aneurisms, thus removing in my opinion, the two most annoying pratts (that ones for you Richard) to ever come out of rugby league
   

Endnote: Mundine will be available as he has already beaten up every boxcar hobo from the east to the west coast of Australia

BURN

Well I am officially over it. Sitting here staring at a computer screen while it’s iridescent reflection slowly suck the away my soul. The clashing synthetic rhythm of “Burn” is echoing around my head (possibly one of the greatest songs), all I can hear is Trent going “I never was a part of you, I never was a part of you. BURN” (insert awesome rhythm here). I guess I’m just having one of those get me the fuck out of this air-conditioned nightmare type moments.
Freedom in T-minus 45 mins

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING FROM THE STRANGEST DREAM (WITH APOLOGIES TO HUNTERS AND COLLECTORS)

So I had the most vivid dream last night that I was doing the same job, but for a huge multi-national bank in this huge sky scraper in the city.
Anyway, I cut work to go see Rancid play at this closed gig with my brother. We line up at this door and my brother goes in before me and the bouncer tries to close it but I just go through anyway, remarking to my brother how good I am for just sneaking through. The room is filled with all these chairs in a circle and we work out this is just a huge game of musical chairs to find out who can attend a closed interview. Fuck that so we leave.
The concert was at The Metro, but it wasn’t the real Metro, more like a huge old school ballroom.Rancid come out in all glory (looking like the real Rancid but all they play is “Punch in the Face” by Frenzal Rhomb over and over again. I try to dance/skank but can’t. Dream over….
Meaning anyone??

Todays Rant - The Recruits

Its probably going to sound bad, but i really have a natural distaste for officers of the law. I am, in essence a law abiding citizen except for the occasional undetected misdemeanor (if your a cop reading this, my name is Alfred and i live in Melbourne), but for some reason i just can't stand them. It's a deep pathological distaste...which ironically enough i can't find a reason for, besides a blatant disregard for authority and order...which brings me to channel Ten's hot new program "The Recruits".
Now, i wait for this show to begin in anticipation, billed as been the next hit created by the team that brought you "Bondi Rescue" (another show i hate, i'm not sure how many times the average australian can watch backpackers rescued from killer in hip deep water. For me, it's zero) mainly because of three brilliant and tantalizing sneak peaks into the world of police in training.

1. Scene shows young girls dancing at club. Voice over "While these girls do this on a saturday night. Amanda does this" Flash to cops in the middle of street brawl. Are we meant to feel sympathy for this girl. She chose to join the cops, and as far as my experience goes in brawls the police seem to turn up much later, more round the bodies getting put in ambulance stage, unless of course they started said brawl.


2. Fella says to the camera "I'm gonna leave here as a cop or in a body bag" Huh? Huh? So he thinks he may get killed in boot camp. how did this guy get through the intelligence training. Surely he only just scrapes through with enough intelligence to put on a brownshirt and keep or city trains safe from fare evaders, while allowing white trash drunks to urinate, burn and fight in our trains. (get real drunk (it will dull the eventual pain) and jump on the midnighter out to penrith or mount druitt, it may not be safe, but EVERYONE bought a ticket)


3. Footage of man giving speech to recruits and he says "some of you may get killed!" No fucking shit, your kidding me. Thats it, i'm out of here. What do you mean crims have guns now. People will want me dead. When did this shit happen, i thought i would be to busy shooting tazers at youths driving stolen vans, shooting pepper spray at drunks who won't leave pubs and getting headjob bribes of pros in King Cross. If i have to deal with real crime, I'm out of here.

If you think this type of show may float your boat, i suggest your better off watching COPS and enjoying white flattoped males, bash mexican and black minorities for running away, while listening to the latest Justin Timberlake CD

Cop: Why did you run?

Now Bleeding Mexican: Cause you scare me

Cop: Why did you run, you don't run unless you got something to hide

Bleeding Mexican: Cause everytime I see you guys you bash the fuck out of me and then put it on national TV to that annoying, but catchy Bad boys anthem.

Ok, so your saying to yourself, that last comment was way over the top...well answer me this. When was the last time you saw a white guy who didn't live in a trailer park on COPS? NEVER

Well, I guess they just don't break the law...... Bah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Bit of a mixed bag today. Eliza dropped off at day care, went and signed some docs, making it one step closer to owning and moving into our new home. Carms (my wife), dropped my bag off at work ( as i forgot it) and put a pressie in there for me to discover at lunch. My latest Ebay bargain had arrived, "The complete D.R & Quinch collection".

For the heathens among you D.R & Quinch entails the intergalactic adventures of a dumb, gun-weilding maniac (Quinch) and his best friend D.R (diminished responsibility), and mischevious over-intelligent deviant. Originally featured in 2000ad and written by the one and only Alan Moore and drawn by Alan Davies.

It has to be one of my favs ever, hyper violent and filled with plenty of violence and this collection contains all my fav stories including haphazard journeys through time, community service based revenge on judges, attempts at destroying D.R's love life and a trip to hollywood. For those who have not experienced the brilliance of D.R and Quinch, check out Ebay and other places for back issues or scans are readily available on most torrent trackers. Below I've posted a page from their first ever appearance "Time Twisters"

Punkers & Pies

Took my daughter to the monthly markets this morning. I swear its just the same shit every month these days...but i had a mission. I had to buy some free range eggs (as the guy i usually get them from's chickens have stopped laying. sorry, but i live in a cage egg free house hold) as i cannot tolerate a sunday without eggs for breakfast.
Anyway, went to get a pie from Ridgy Didge and the guy who owns the place yells at me Jello Biafra, 1977, Southern California. I then remember I was wearing a DK (i hear they have reformed and doing a few shows in the US) shirt. He then began to tell me that he use to jam in a band call The Lood (prononced leud) on the floor beneath where the DK's use to rehearse, and that Jello was quie a nice guy. Note to self....man at pie shop is old punker = ally...oh and the pie was tops.
So i goes home and decide to pull out some DK's, while going through my extensive collection (it's quite large) i come across Devo "Duty Now for the Future" and decided that will be even better. So here i sit, typing away cranking Devo (who are releasing an album this year) while watching rugby league.
My wife and daughter are fast asleep in the next room, and another succesful Sunday has passed. Today i learnt that I'm not the only punker who loves a pie, i like DK's but have never been to drunk to fuck and despite loving Devo, i will never make it as a secret agent man. Later

Okay, so here begins my second attempt at that form of internet masturbation known as blogging. Stay tuned for more stuff about all types of stuff. this is just a quick saturday special type post, small, cheap, but hopefully still powerful

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• Loving - The Cavelera Conspiracy......good to see the boys back together, pumping out great metal once again. If you liked Sepultura before Max left....your gonna love this. I comand you to go get a copy now!
• Liking - Sandman - The Kindly Ones.....Brilliant story line. Am almost obsessed with The Sandman Chronicles (i konw, a bit behind the times) at the moment, actually all things Gaiman... reading Good Omens which he wrote with Terry Pratchett as well. Am unable to source copies quick enough to keep up with my addicition so have had to resort to downloading many many sans..
• Lolling - At the pathetic attempts by the swedish copyright board to shut down The Pirate Bay. Wake up losers, it's time to embrace file sharing in your business model in order to combat piracy.... Trying to jail people and doll out heft unrealistic fines will only strengthen our cause. Has the Pirate Bay been shut down due to your court case win...No... I declare this a legal action FAIL!!!!
• Loathing - The fact I am still unstimulated from Mr Rudd. i want my dollars!!!